Archive | Astro Matters

Charmless, I’m Sure

Here in NYC, yesterday was bright and sunny and hot. Some seemed to find it glorious but I found the 85-degree mugginess a bit much, especially because I’ve absolutely had it with my summer wardrobe and am just enough of a slave to social convention to wear clothes even when it’s very hot. I was shvitzing like a crazy lady by the time I met up with B, and I’d already been pretty wild-eyed.

We were at the Williamsburg Cinemas for Crazy Rich Asians, thus far the only halfway-satisfying rom-com of 2018. When I saw it last month, I’d liked it enough to agree to rewatch it with B, who’d just finished all the books. The problem was I was playing for the other team then.* This month I’m on far shakier ground in the love department, and the film grated hard. Venus is still only shadowed by its upcoming retrograde, but I’m already turning into a Cathy comic on lithium. That’s because this retrograde begins at the exact degree of Libra where my moon is located. In laylady’s terms, this witch is getting hit by a Mac truck in all areas of love and aesthetics.

Which is practically my whole life. Continue Reading →

It’s Always Something

Sunday, on the precipice of a new moon and the Jewish New Year, I woke at 4 am, early even for me. Cool air drifted through the window and rain pitter-pattered against the glass as I lounged in bed, draped in an autumn mumu and reading my second Gilda Radner book in two days. I’ve been pretty open about how hard I’ve been finding life, so the peace of that moment was sweet.

I’m not entirely sure why Gilda’s been giving me so much comfort right now. I’ve been reading and watching everything about her and I think partly it’s her guilelessness coupled with that intense mischief. Her intelligence and sense of the absurd were palpable, but so were her huge vulnerability and empathy–it was all wrapped in an enormous, childlike glow. Not a childish one, mind you for by all reports she was eminently kind, and children rarely are. (People who think children are born kind are fooling themselves; kindness is always a learned trait.) But Gilda was surely childlike: playful, present, boundlessly, bountifully enthusiastic. So much so that her voice was extra-raspy and her limbs extra rubbery, as if excitement was constantly stretching her limits. Continue Reading →

Venus Runs Amok

Venus retrogrades roughly every 18 months and when it does, we all wear what I call “Venus retrograde goggles.” By this I mean that nothing tastes or looks or feels exactly right, and what resonates aesthetically often will feel super off once Venus goes direct. This is because this planet governs love, money, and aesthetics–all things beauty-related–so we’ll have an opportunity to examine our patterns and misconceptions in this area whether we like it or not. Expect old lovers to come out of the woodwork, expect old heartbreak to resurface as well.

The retrograde begins officially on October 5 and lasts until November 16–it’s 40 days and 40 nights, essentially–but we entered its shadow yesterday. Did you feel it? Were there checks delayed, problems with a bank account? Did you get into a fight with a partner, buy a skirt you’re already questioning?

I know I’m always informing you about retrogrades but 2018 has been retrograde central and Venus is the last planet to deliver such a doozy this year (if you don’t count our last Mercury retrograde, anyway). And this retrograde has been the astrological aspect I’ve been most dreading on a personal note. It’s taking place mostly in Libra within a degree of my moon in Libra. Since the moon governs our emotional response and Venus is ruled by Libra, I’ll be feeling it like a mo-fo in pretty much every area of my life, especially since my career has an aesthetic bent. I expect zits, a decline in my critical faculties, and emotional devastation.

Which is all to say that last night was the hardest I’ve had in 2018, and today all I want is to curl up on the couch of someone who lays a cool hand upon my forehead and drops an afghan over me as I weep. Who lets me know I am loveable even at my most difficult, who lets me float without drowning, who sees me even when I cannot see myself, and who will love me even when I love them back.

My heart already aches, you see, and all the unkindness and hurts we harbor are emerging from the darkness so we may heal them with light. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this baptism by fire. I don’t even know how I’m going to eat today. But I know I’m telling you because I haven’t quite given up yet. Send afghans. Send quiet company. Send love for my sharpest edges. While you’re at it, send some for yourself.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy