Archive | Quoth the Raving

Tesseracts and Tree Nymphs

Up before the sun so I can properly greet her when she arrives. Settled on a screened-in country porch with coffee, permakitten and I sniffing that sweet, sweet air. Grateful, so grateful. The birds singing a song so true I don’t want to interrupt but am feeling Joni strongly today. (Is she close to slipping away entirely? is she simply the goddess of early morning melody?) Ladies of the Canyon is added to their symphony and then–

Grace doing her yoga mistress poses–she’s got those down–me reaching toward that peach and pink horizon, hands in the air, toes in the wet grass.

It’s still Taurus season, and I’m upstate at A’s as of yesterday.  I needed to be put in my place by wood nymphs, birds, big blue sky.

It got hot so fast this week in New York. In general, my favorite city has never been keen on interstices. Fur hats one day, bare shoulders the next–tempers rising, horns honking. So it was that the glorious kerfuffle of a NYC summer boiled over in the course of one day. Continue Reading →

Land-locked Mermaid

Yesterday could only be described as a bad day. Nothing terrible happened, but dread won the race–I couldn’t see the forest so couldn’t write the trees.

Writing a book is different from writing the short pieces that have been my professional mainstay. Every piece needs to fit into a bigger puzzle and some days I can’t tell if something is too jagged or too smooth to lock into anything else. Yesterday was like that, and also it was raining. At first the best I could do was eat a lot of buttered popcorn and watch old movies. This was not going to pay the bills but it did remind me how my last career happened. Continue Reading →

Space Crone Sob Stories and Secret Shames

“Sally and Sara,” Milton Avery. 1947.

I wake with a Laurie Colwin quote flashing in my mind’s eye.

I’m always smartest when I first wake up. My ego’s still out of the picture and I’m open to the divine intelligence that supports us even when we don’t support ourselves.

So the Laurie Colwin quote: “There’s a difference between privacy and dignity but they look the same.” I don’t even have to think about why that quote is showing up now. I’ve been totally sequestered, and that line explains why. In short, I’m ashamed, and it’s easier to stay out of everyone’s eye while I feel this way.

In general, I’ve never given a huge shit what people think of me. I wasn’t out of grade school before I realized everyone’s too busy worrying about how they are being judged to judge anyone else. By my 30s I stopped taking self-esteem cues from other’s interest if I didn’t reciprocate it; the futility of all that hope and will just made me sad.

But I don’t like people feeling sorry for me.

Sympathy to my mind is inherently distancing. Empathy I can bear; empathy is what I bear. But I don’t offer sympathy, ever, and I don’t appreciate being on the receiving end of it. Sympathy is just so condescending. It says: I see you in that hole and god knows I wouldn’t want to be in it so I feel bad that you are. Empathy says: I’m in that hole until you climb out, and I’ll love you no matter where you are. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy