Archive | Ruby Intuition

Home of the Heart

Last night I had the anxiety dream about homelessness that I’ve anticipated since losing my jobs last spring.

I rarely talk about my fear of homelessness, especially with married friends. When I do, they say things like, “You won’t be homeless. You can stay with us.”

When I report their assurances to my shrink, a practical woman who knows from rough times, she raises her eyebrows. “People think they’re being supportive,” she says. “But staying on their couch would not be the same thing as having a home. Minimizing your valid fears is not helpful.”

My shrink never sweetens realities. Maybe she does with other people, but she is well-acquainted with my capacity to om-shanthi myself right into destitution. I’ve done it before.

It reminds me of a joke I tell clients. Continue Reading →

The Temple of Rosh HaLunar

New moon, new moon, new moon! I haven’t been this excited for a moon in a dog’s age, and it’s appearing in hyper-controlling Virgo just as ocean god Neptune opposes Mercury and Mars in Virgo, and Venus sits pretty in this sign as well. What does it all mean? That this lunar cycle is less about tossing what doesn’t work and more about making cozy, clean order out of what does–even if it’s as nebulous and dreamy as Neptune himself. I complain about Virgo all the time, but the truth is she’s the healer of the zodiac. We feel safe and seen under her g-d-is-in-the-details gaze even when we rebel against the boundaries she sets. Continue Reading →

Captain’s Log

I’m writing so well today that I almost don’t mind what a total nightmare of unhappy blankness the weekend was. Almost. We use social media to connect and to trumpet our pretty times and political views. But what about when the turmoil lands so hard it’s impossible to leave the house or say even a word? These are heavy times—mercury retrograde eclipse season heavens raining vengeance upon us times (literally) and it doesn’t help at all that I’m channeling harder and deeper than I ever have but for my own work. Sometimes writing this book is like taking dictation from an Old Testament-style Cassandra. Other times it’s like listening to a noseybody neighbor run amok. Either way, it’s heavy pizza, man.

Yesterday was awfully nice in New York, or so I hear. I got dressed to go out and then found I simply couldn’t. Couldn’t cook, couldn’t talk, really couldn’t face all the brunchers and flaneuzies still writing the story they’re dying to tell their someday grandkids. In a sane society–and what a utopian concept that is just about now-there’d not only be a fully blown National Endowment for the Arts but a sort of coast guard for those of us drowning in the heaviness of our creative projects.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy