Archive | Ruby Intuition

Mercury Retrotrades, and Boy Does It Ever

Woof! I spent the last 36 hours in tech hell and framily heaven. First I dropped my Airpods in the bathtub, and managed to recover them only through the magic of a Youtube tutorial and my hairdryer. Then my Macbook completely died–and lest this passive voice seem suspicious, trust me when I say a jar of dill pickles sailed out of a cabinet and landed on said Macbook with the might of a thousand dybbuks. With it died 11 months of writing because I hadn’t been properly backing up since Covid began.

Note that I’m not defending my sloppiness; merely reporting it with no small measure of chagrin.

But as frustrating as the breakdown of my devices has been, things could be so much worse. I am beyond lucky to have such lovely, generous, patient friends willing to share their amazing range of skills and savvy and resources with me, and I am grateful for this reminder. Not to mention: This kerfuffle comes right on time because Mercury retrograde begins tomorrow, enforcing the break we all need from our 11-month reliance on tech since it is taking place in Aquarius, which rules technology and networking.

Retrogrades tend to be most disruptive at their beginnings and ends, so over the next two days and from February 19-21, all things transportation and telecommunication may get especially fritzy. The good news? This forced reboot will also reboot our overtaxed, completely traumatized central nervous systems.

So why not lean in? Yes: it’s extremely annoying that our phones, tablets, computers, wifi and cable connections, and social media will likely go on the fritz over the next three weeks. But during this time, give yourself permission to unplug as much as you want. “Just say no” to Zoom. Sketch. Make music. Go for walks. And nap whenever you wish.

When we let them, Mercury Retrogrades enable us to more deeply connect with ourselves and each other. As my man Obi-Wan is wont to say: Trust the Force, Luke.

The Trauma of Healing Trauma

There’s a Patton Oswalt tweet making the rounds: This whole country is about to be Tom Hanks in the last scene of Captain Phillips.

For those who didn’t see it, Hanks plays a ship captain who ably protects his crew and passengers from Somalian pirates only to fall apart when they are finally safe. The movie is meh–even problematic in part–but Hanks’ breakdown is so thoroughly affecting that it validates the film’s overall existence. More than that, it haunts you. It isn’t just Hank’s extraordinary acting. It is the emotional accuracy. Continue Reading →

Breathe Life In

As we move through this first week of a new year and await the results of the pivotal senate races in Georgia and Trump’s last-ditch coup attempt, I’m reminded that even when change feels too slow—or nonexistent!—it’s unfolding as it should.

In fact, change is the only true constant, and what we’re doing is impactful even when we feel isolated, ill, ineffective—thoroughly thoroughly irritated. All we ever have to do is our best, and sometimes all our best entails is breathing in, breathing out. As my teacher, the wonderful beat writer Hettie Jones, used to say: “Are you breathing, are you lucky enough?”

Sometimes breathing is miracle enough.

I don’t think I’d be feeling so sanguine if I hadn’t stumbled upon this exchange after I posted yesterday. Sanguine is actually a terrible pun, for it’s from Only Lovers Left Alive, Jim Jarmusch’s wondrous 2014 meditation on science, art, and time masquerading as a vampire film, of all things. In it, Tilda Swinton counsels depressive spouse Tom Hiddleston, who’s considering offing himself after centuries of ennui:

How can you have lived for so long and still not get it? This self-obsession is a waste of living. It could be spent surviving things, appreciating nature, nurturing kindness and friendship, and dancing.

Oh, how this struck a chord. Even at at my lowest, I’m so grateful for so much. For Grace, friends, lovers, teachers, healers, clients. For all the ways you’ve seen and supported me over these hard times. For shelter, sea, sunshine, seasons, happy synchronicities, art–especially art that inspires this gratitude.

We’ll abide, we always do, and in the meantime it’s okay to surrender to this sad stillness. The best part of us knows beautiful change lives behind it. Just: breathe.

The true definition of inspire? To breathe life in.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy