Temperatures cool, winds pick up. The doves huddle on the fire escape, permakitten creeps closer by my side. Coming up from intuition sessions I’m so wild-eyed and ravenous. Rice goes in the cooker, mushrooms and asparagus get chopped. We roast a chicken Bitman-style: sea-salted, thymed and magic-oiled, stuffed with olives, garlic, lemon, and chili peppers, cast-ironed at high, high heat. Eyebrow cocked, ogle the big sunset (too soon, too soon), then Astaire’s restless gams, Wilder’s Daddy Long Legs. Caron on the satin screen, Hermine on the horizon, summer in the rear-view mirror. Rueful, real: red wine for all.
I woke with a voice screaming in my ear and this is what it said:
It’s Tuesday, the day I tape my NY1 show, which means I am facing my weekly dilemma: To shave or not to shave. In all candor, I’ve always hated shaving my armpits though I enjoy smooth legs. And while some are repulsed by underarm hair, I find it beautiful and powerful and the source of some of my best magic (like antennae to other worlds, maybe). I also super-hate that all earmarks of adult femininity–adult female bodies, period–are so scorned and feared. I never, ever shaved when I was younger, in fact. It was only when I served as bridesmaid in a traditional Southern wedding and began working for a mean-girl tabloid that I buckled to pressure. These days I only prune in preparation for TV–which is also when I iron my clothes and hair and apply a whole layer of makeup rather than just lipstick. (I only mind the shaving.) I know there are bigger things going on in our world–like way bigger–but more and more I feel like a sell-out for shearing my precious fur. This does not mean I think other women are bad feminists when they do so; it means I am failing my personal feminism because I am modifying my body out of social compulsion rather than desire. Bottom line: Looks like I’m going to start wearing long sleeves once a week this summer.