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Sadly Morning

September 26, 2018 in Cat Lady Matters, City Matters, Essays, Style Matters

The mornings are the hardest.

During the day I’m fine. I wear myself out with long walks and writing sessions and chats so that by the time I cook dinner and clean up, I can barely read a page before sleep claims me. I’m grateful for how quickly and heavily it rises up, darkness encircling me like a security blanket—

like a lover’s caress.

But I wake very early. At that hour, the city is stripped of bravado, and so am I. And in that unarmored state, the full weight of loss lands on my chest. Before I can assemble all the very valid reasons we’re no longer together, I miss him. His scratchy voice and soft mouth and enthusiastically punctuated texts; his sweet, sad eyes belying the shtick that’s made him a legend in certain circles. I miss the depth of our connection, the hope we could be happier and more whole as a result. Continue Reading →

F*ck 45: The Ferry Edition

September 24, 2018 in City Matters, Spirit Matters

So I just waited for two hours for a ferry because Donald Trump insisted the entire East River waterway be shut down while he flew in to the UN….and then he was late. In the meantime all of us waiting noticed red dots on ourselves and the deck. We looked up and saw snipers everywhere–on the overpass, in helicopters bobbing above us, you name it. I asked the ferry workers if this was had occurred while other presidents were in office. “None of this shit,” said one. “Hellll noooooo,” said another. Those poor dudes. They just kept saying, “Just another 10 minutes, folks” every 10 minutes while Trump grew later and later. “The schnorrer’s even late for this,” said an older woman, eying her melting Fairway groceries glumly.

After a while, I opened up the big bag of chips I’d just bought at Trader Joes and passed it around. Someone else passed around a bottle of wine and we all filled our coffee cups and water bottles and there it was. Instant pahty. Bottom line? Not even DT can stop New York City. We’re too resourceful and too much fun.

Charmless, I’m Sure

September 17, 2018 in Astro Matters, City Matters, Film Matters, Weather Matters

Here in NYC, yesterday was bright and sunny and hot. Some seemed to find it glorious but I found the 85-degree mugginess a bit much, especially because I’ve absolutely had it with my summer wardrobe and am just enough of a slave to social convention to wear clothes even when it’s very hot. I was shvitzing like a crazy lady by the time I met up with B, and I’d already been pretty wild-eyed.

We were at the Williamsburg Cinemas for Crazy Rich Asians, thus far the only halfway-satisfying rom-com of 2018. When I saw it last month, I’d liked it enough to agree to rewatch it with B, who’d just finished all the books. The problem was I was playing for the other team then.* This month I’m on far shakier ground in the love department, and the film grated hard. Venus is still only shadowed by its upcoming retrograde, but I’m already turning into a Cathy comic on lithium. That’s because this retrograde begins at the exact degree of Libra where my moon is located. In laylady’s terms, this witch is getting hit by a Mac truck in all areas of love and aesthetics.

Which is practically my whole life. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy