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The Church of Eternal Sparkles

December 26, 2016 in Cat Lady Matters, Church Matters, Music Matters, Ruby Intuition, Spirit Matters

I wake and for a few seconds savor the uncharacteristic stillness of my neighborhood and the chirping of birds, agog: “I got the best crusts of panettone for christmas!” “The people in #3L gave me brioche crumbs!” Then I turn on all the holiday lights and put on my favorite holiday albums–Stevie, Jackson 5, Vince Guaraldi, Otis, the Supremes, Smokey, Mariah (yes), Prince (double yes). I’ve decorated my whole front room in a mermaid pagan Jewish Middle Church menagerie of gold and blue lights, green and red candles, birds and giraffes and cats, pine cones and pine branches (rescued from deli trash, for reals), and blessed blessed menorahs and Mother Marys. This is how I pierce the darkness of ambiguity and abnegation–with my own admixture of faiths, inherited and inspired. First and foremost: what pleases my inner 8-year-old, forever tapping her foot and mending her heart. Sparkling and soaring, that’s what she likes. So I decorate what I can, breathing in the joy of time with my loved ones in days before and to come (gosh, I’m the luckiest lady), and allow the loveliest permakitten to arrange herself decorously on my lap. From here I can dream up anything.

Elegua at My Service

December 10, 2016 in Feminist Matters, Ruby Intuition, Spirit Matters

A few weeks ago, the Santería spirit Elegua revealed himself to me by sending an image of himself while whispering “el el el” in my ear. At the time, I was heading downstate on the windy Taconic, and almost drove off the road; as you can see here, he’s quite the hot tomato. Since then, I’ve invited the gatekeeper spirit cautiously into my home, and he’s protected me like an unruly big brother, heading off every toxic male at the pass and setting my altar on fire with a trickster flourish. I like him, I hope he likes me, and I am certainly open to any presence changing energy frequencies, especially when it comes to my intensely charged relationship to men and the cockocracy overall. About time, I say.

Rubenfire, Uncut (The Lifted Veil)

October 31, 2016 in Age Matters, Astro Matters, Past Matters, Quoth the Raving, Rubenfire Chronicles, Ruby Intuition, Spirit Matters

lilithIt’s Samhain–the Pagan new year, Halloween to nonwitches–and there’s a new moon in Scorpio, the sign of death and rebirth. The veil is lifted and the dark goddesses are all around us, Lilith in full effect. For nearly a week I’ve been haunted by my highest spirit, in addition to everyone else’s. I’d complain except I know this is the universe’s not-so-subtle way of nudging me forward since I’ve been resisting all gentler hints for the last six, twelve, oh, thirty-six months. A friend reminded me this morning of the words of Chickasaw poet Linda Hogan: “Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.” Tonight I feel that.

It was a quiet day–most of my Mondays are quiet, by design and default–and when I finished work I went to get my nails done. My manicurist’s name is Lisa too, and we’re the same age. She lives with no green card, three kids, and an “only half good” husband in a one-bedroom apartment. Still I see pity in her eyes as she cleans up the raw hamburger of my cuticles. “You’re strong,” she says. “You need someone nice.” She’s not wrong, though I’ve only recently admitted this. More than that, I can feel my great grandmother behind her eyes as she speaks–my grandfather, too. They’ve given up the idea of continuing their ancestral line but are still invested in healing it. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy