why am i awake at 3 am when I usually wake two hours later? the short answer is I need a new (new) bed (a story I will tell another time). the longer answer is that january brings us far far from our diurnal patterns; that those of us who do anything save sleep all day and night by a fire are not in in our right minds, right bodies, right lives, and so everything normally in the shadows clamors to be registered, felt, absorbed. it seems that if i’m to be awake at all during this season i have no choice but to be dead-awakened during the hours when the veil is lifted. good? o who knows. but true? So true. capricorn is a time of reckoning.
Today is what they’re calling a bomb cyclone–a hurricane-cum-snow and ice storm made possible by our brand new climate. Outside the heavens rage, but I did my due diligence and am prepared for their wrath. Bagels and cat food sit pretty on the counter, produce and protein line the refrigerator, house is scrubbed clean. I have books and notebooks and candles stacked by my armchair, whiskey and a tumbler by the turntable, a kitten at my feet. But it’s into the kitchen that I putter as the world blurs white and lights flash off and on.
I may be old-fashioned, but I prefer my kitchen to be devoid of electricity anyway. I keep the lights off during the day, and eschew unnecessary gadgets, including toasters, food processors, and juicers. Eating and cooking is one way we still connect to the cycle of life, and I like to feel all the unadulterated core elements- earth, sun, water, fire–as I step into that flow. This morning the world is furious, and I am glad to know. I squeeze sunshine into a glass and dream of warmer days.
Growing up in New England, the land of eternal blizzards and subzero temps, I learned to hate snow, just hate it. I devirginized a guy in the snow when I was 16 and he was 17 and nothing about it was romantic or idyllic. All I could think was: Jesus, this is a stupid idea, I have snow in every crack. But living in NYC, the snow has its charms. It transforms our worst into kids with saucer eyes and wonder in their hearts, for one thing. On the subway, even the most snarly UES social X-ray or OG manspreader is as cute as a button, all zipped up and snuggly in layers upon layers like a Star Wars character we haven’t met yet. I send love to every single person in my finely feathered city. Stay warm, you crazy apples.