Archive | Ruby Intuition

The Trauma of Healing Trauma

There’s a Patton Oswalt tweet making the rounds: This whole country is about to be Tom Hanks in the last scene of Captain Phillips.

For those who didn’t see it, Hanks plays a ship captain who ably protects his crew and passengers from Somalian pirates only to fall apart when they are finally safe. The movie is meh–even problematic in part–but Hanks’ breakdown is so thoroughly affecting that it validates the film’s overall existence. More than that, it haunts you. It isn’t just Hank’s extraordinary acting. It is the emotional accuracy. Continue Reading →

Breathe Life In

As we move through this first week of a new year and await the results of the pivotal senate races in Georgia and Trump’s last-ditch coup attempt, I’m reminded that even when change feels too slow—or nonexistent!—it’s unfolding as it should.

In fact, change is the only true constant, and what we’re doing is impactful even when we feel isolated, ill, ineffective—thoroughly thoroughly irritated. All we ever have to do is our best, and sometimes all our best entails is breathing in, breathing out. As my teacher, the wonderful beat writer Hettie Jones, used to say: “Are you breathing, are you lucky enough?”

Sometimes breathing is miracle enough.

I don’t think I’d be feeling so sanguine if I hadn’t stumbled upon this exchange after I posted yesterday. Sanguine is actually a terrible pun, for it’s from Only Lovers Left Alive, Jim Jarmusch’s wondrous 2014 meditation on science, art, and time masquerading as a vampire film, of all things. In it, Tilda Swinton counsels depressive spouse Tom Hiddleston, who’s considering offing himself after centuries of ennui:

How can you have lived for so long and still not get it? This self-obsession is a waste of living. It could be spent surviving things, appreciating nature, nurturing kindness and friendship, and dancing.

Oh, how this struck a chord. Even at at my lowest, I’m so grateful for so much. For Grace, friends, lovers, teachers, healers, clients. For all the ways you’ve seen and supported me over these hard times. For shelter, sea, sunshine, seasons, happy synchronicities, art–especially art that inspires this gratitude.

We’ll abide, we always do, and in the meantime it’s okay to surrender to this sad stillness. The best part of us knows beautiful change lives behind it. Just: breathe.

The true definition of inspire? To breathe life in.

Everyone’s a Superstar to Orbit

As you know, I don’t put much stock in the changing of the calendar year. But I do put stock in what you put stock in—much like the transformative power a beloved object holds after years of us cradling it. So I can feel your resignation and disappointment seeping away tonight—the hope you are harboring however cautiously—and I love it. More than that, I love you. To that end, I offer only one piece of advice for this upcoming year: Do what your heart tells you. Not your brain, not your pelvis, not your ego, not your fear, not your past, not anyone around you. If there is one thing 2020 taught us: there is no institution more powerful than love. Trust this energetic field. More than that: Embody it.

So may we inhabit our bodies respectfully and joyfully in 2021. May we eschew punishing exercise and diet and clothing in favor of whatever helps us relish our bodies even more. And may we be more lovingly present with each other—more sensual, even when we’re not sexual—when we once again can play, dance, dress, dine, hug, smooch, fuck freely. Physical freedom is a gift. When we regain it, let us treasure it accordingly.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy