…I took a nap after a screening of a film I didn’t mind, a walk as mild in temperament as in temperature, a so-so lunch with a sort-of friend, and some busy work deserving no parallel phrase. I mention all this by way of saying that my brain battery was running on empty and, with assignments looming and cleverness left to crunch, the only solution was sleep. (Caffeine in these matters is greatly overrated.) Besides, moon was void of course and mercury was retrograding and on top of everything there was that big old lunar eclipse in Pisces on the horizon. A lot of stars under which to snooze.
I hadn’t intended to dive so deeply as to have a dream–had thought more along the lines of quick and pretty shut-eye–but also didn’t mind when I found myself stepping clear into another world. It halved the day in a way I needed.
–I dreamed that [name redacted] and I had an opportunity to sleep together after all–to roll into each other lazily sloppily easily on a divan I hadn’t known was there–and as I’d expected it was good, not just decadent. I woke out of that dream into the front of my mother’s car where it turned out the earlier dream had been a reverie she’d witnessed too but wouldn’t god forbid confront oh my oh no. Then I was out of that dream too and closer to being awake but found my eyes sealed shut like with rubber glue, cement; nothing sacred or sacramental, mind you. I kept thinking I’d successfully pried them open only to discover they were still shut like when I had conjuctivitis as a kid and my mother had to squeeze the ointment onto my eyes squeamish always squeamish but worse because I knew I just knew it was actually a dream though I couldn’t shake off the illusion; as I woke-woke I admired the symbolism my unconscious state had mustered and wasn’t ready to shake I guess/ dove instead back into sex with [name redacted]/lazy late afternoon light/ paws surprising delicate sure/trails of hot breath on shoulder on cheek on/ right there? of course right there/that deep question that deep answer that deep embrace I woke–
–to find Grace staring at me with unjudging comprehension, paw gently extended. Still in the half-world I put on an okay dress and lipstick and stumbled down to the coffee shop to write a review in the late sidewalk sun but also to see if [name redacted] would materialize on the basis of that dream alone. Before I left I asked tarot if he would arrive, partly to assess tarot’s current state of accuracy. It said he would and then of course he didn’t, which helped me understand what I hadn’t from the cards earlier that day. Instead there with my melting espresso on ice I met a nice man who made a point of saying smart kind attentive things until I gave him my number. It’s been this kind of mercury retrograde lunar eclipse in pisces moon void of course and I don’t mind, really I don’t, but please don’t expect proper punctuation and really just really don’t expect me to stop these sentences from running…