I can’t sleep because it is illogical to sleep when the dystopia has begun. It occurred to me as I was tossing and turning tonight that in the twentieth century, science fiction mostly concerned itself with then-inconceivable gadgetry like videophones and pocket devices that could connect you to the whole world –all of which is now real except for time travel and personal spaceships. In the last fifteen years, sci-fi has become dystopian, full of ravaged planets and people. This also is now real. Make no mistake: our democracy, which had become more theoretical with every passing year, is no longer intact. Our citizens were too badly educated, too badly fed, too badly civilized, to nominate a leader to represent their best selves. They didn’t even know their best selves so instead elected a sociopath who catered to their worst. Now we are in trouble and there are no GIFs nor clever think pieces to save us. Capitalism has run its course; made corporations our rulers; created a dissociation nation led by an evil reality TV king.
I really can’t stop crying. First I was too frozen with fear and grief. Now the tears are endless. I pray for our children, all of us hated by Trump’s America. I am scared for people of color and immigrants. I am scared for Muslims. I am scared for those of us in the queer community. I am scared as a Jew. I am scared as a 40something woman who chooses not to be a mother or wife–dispensible, possibly inhuman in our president-elect’s eyes. I am scared for an already-ravaged climate and economy. I am scared we won’t have any infrastructure left to resurrect in four years. The future may not be now. The future may already be past.
Yesterday I bought a cashmere sweater because I was freaking out; I never felt confident about this election though I tried to beam positivity. Now I’m disgusted by such empty frivolity. I bought cake when soon we might lack bread. Today we must commence conservation. Today we must plot resistance. Today we must behave as if in wartime because, basically, we are.
I send light and love because I always do, because this is what we must do, because this is truly the only way. I send fortitude because we must act as if we’re under siege. Hitler was elected but nobody has to be a good German. To quote Marge Piercy:
“What we want to change we curse and then
pick up a tool. Bless whatever you can
with eyes and hands and tongue. If you
can’t bless it, get ready to make it new.”