I just got my first pair of reading glasses. Since I already wear corrective lenses for myopia, the doctor blithely informed me I was a prime candidate for bifocals. Of course, he referred to them as “progressives,” a term I am convinced was invented to make Generation Xers feel better about becoming their parents. I also am convinced that my memoir will be entitled I Need Glasses to Find My Glasses. Unrelated: I am old I am old I am old.