As I’ve transitioned from Muppet critic to Muppet psychic, even normally skeptical friends and colleagues have been supportive and open-minded. But it’s come to my attention that questions still abound. Below I’ve tackled the most common ones, and please send on more as they occur to you.
Is getting a reading scary?
I’m a big believer in coffee with cream. By this I mean that I ensure the delivery of information is loving and often amusing. Do I see illness, death, betrayal? Sometimes, because that’s part of the human condition. But you can rest assured that, while I never lie, I only share what you need to know at the time of our session. I’ve never liked massages that are so rough that they tense the muscles we’re trying to relax, and I’ve never endorsed truth bombs that make us dread our future. We’re supposed to enjoy this business of being alive!
Will I find out when I or someone I love is going to die?
Nope, for reasons described above.
Do I have to believe in God or some higher power for this to work?
I firmly believe we’re all part of a “whole is greater than the sum of its parts” energy–whether you choose to call it God, the Universe, Yahweh, Allah, the divine feminine, or something else. I also believe this godforce is the source of my intuition, and nature’s many patterns and our human-made experiences. But you don’t have to believe that. You just have to show up with an open mind.
How do you receive your information?
I’ll probably have a complete answer as soon as I fully understand the afterlife–which is to say, when I die. But I can tell you that sometimes I register images or snatches of songs or even an unexplained scent. When I do, I follow out the information until it makes more sense. Mostly, though, I just know information about you, your life, and your timeline as if it’s a database already stored in my brain. This becomes more true as we tune into each other–me, by meditating on you before and during sessions, and you, by focusing on our session through activities as simple as setting it up and by finding your astrological data.
Do you worry about the ethics of this work?
As a graduate of Quaker college, I consider the ethics of my practice all the time, especially because this line of work is so unregulated. Trust me that any manipulation on my part would adhere to the three times rule–namely, it would negatively affect me at least three times more than it would affect you. And because I believe I receive this information and my gift from spirit, defiling it is blasphemy in my cosmology. For these and a million other reasons, you can be sure that ethics are of utmost importance to me and that I labor mightily to uphold compassion, clarity, and authenticity.
When’s a good time to come see you?
Scheduling a session around your birthday is ideal because that is your personal new year and there’s a lot of “good wind” around beginnings. There are also great times in the astrological/lunar calendar: retrogrades, eclipses, solstices, new moons, full moons. But any time you are in serious transition or haunted by questions also does the trick. Generally speaking, trust your gut about what feels right!
How often should I come see you?
You can see me once and never again if that’s all you need. But most clients come about once a year–two or three times in periods of drastic change. Part of our work together is about you developing your own intuition, and to do that you must have time to hear and heed your own instincts as well.
So why should I come at all?
It’s a great question. What I offer is a glimpse of your highest self or soul, as well an overarching plan to more fully living as that entity. As much as we are all insightful and capable, a loving and honest mirror helps since it’s hard to see ourselves clearly; there’s a reason therapists always have therapists! Ultimately my job is to identify lifelong (sometimes lives-long) patterns, paths, and opportunities for growth. It’s on you to embrace this beautiful change.
Do you remember our sessions afterward?
Because information comes through me rather than from me, I do not retain many details about sessions. I observe, translate, and analyze it during our appointment, but cannot store it or else I would have trouble living my own life.
What is a “follow-up” appointment and what can I expect from that? I work very hard to convey everything you need to know within the body of one session. But occasionally a client finds they still have questions, especially if they are in a period of significant transition. A half session can be scheduled within two weeks of our original appointment so that I may tune in again. The sessions can be conducted via video or audio calls because I recently have sat in your energy.
Can I record sessions?
It is my experience that people are not as present for an experience when they are recording it, and that the frequencies of intuitive work tends to bust electronic devices anyway. I request you bring a notebook instead, not only to take notes during our session but to afterward record dreams, signs, and concrete plans that arise from our time together. You can rest assured that you will remember what you need, and that your unconscious stores the rest for you to access on an as-needed basis. Sessions work on a cellular level, no pun intended.
Do I have to see you in person?
It’s always ideal to sit in your energy physically, but I can read by Facetime and other video-conferencing applications if an in-person appointment isn’t feasible.
May I bring a friend or have someone else present?
Sessions are best conducted one-on-one; I have never been able to fully reach someone’s highest self when another person is present. In a pinch, my familiar Grace, a striped permakitten, is happy to hold your paw.
I’m trying to connect with someone who has passed. Do you do that?
If your only motivation for coming to me is to contact a deceased soul, I can recommend other mediums. That said, it is not unusual for me to have a sense or even a “download” from a deceased person or spirit energy while we are working. I will convey what I observe so long as it is constructive.
My house is haunted. Can you help with that?
I can help you mind the presences less. I don’t believe we have to live uncomfortably with other spirit energies, which (in my cosmology) surround us at all times.
Do you believe in past lives? Will I learn about mine?
I was raised to matter-of-factly acknowledge past lives without unnecessarily dwelling on them. Their existence makes sense in an Einstein Theory of Relativity capacity–energy into matter into energy and all that–but what we do in this life is most relevant. I tune into your other lives–other iterations of your soul–only when they become abundantly clear (even intrusive) during sessions. When they do, chances are good you are repeating a karmic pattern from which you’ve yet to learn all your lessons, so it’s useful to examine the issue from all angles.
Can you tell me when things are going to happen? Are there time frames to your predictions?
Often when we work with the tarot deck, I ask for guidance and insight within a certain time frame. But there is no underestimating the power of free will, which means that your actions and choices in the present change the course of your future every minute of every day.
What tarot deck do you use?
There are many wonderful tarot decks with more nuanced identity politics, but I prefer Rider-Waite not only because I was trained with it but because I appreciate its simplicity. It is a storybook unto itself.
I am looking for an animal psychic. Is this something you do?
I love animals and can read them like an Eloise or Ramona Quimby book. But I do not claim to directly translate their thoughts or agendas and, full disclosure, am a bit wary of those who claim to do so.
Can you read thoughts in general?
As much as I respect the human brain, I do not consider our thoughts to be consistent telegrams from our true selves. Rather, they are often like static–conditioned responses that block us from what we really feel or are. So the information I receive is not your thoughts so much as your energy, plain and simple.
Have you ever been unable to read someone?
No. If you are ambivalent or skeptical about the work, I have to labor harder to reach your higher consciousness, but that labor can produce its own revelations.
Sometimes I think I may have a “sixth sense” too. Can you help me with this?
Absolutely. I believe we each are on the “intuition spectrum,” meaning that we all are privy to much more information than we may consciously register. In my work, I love teaching others how to notice what they notice.
Do you do gift certificates?
Yes. I do ask that you ensure the recipient is open to the session before setting it up, as I don’t refund and not everyone is amenable to “psychic readings.” Once interest is confirmed, you send an email introducing us and I take it from there.
Do you barter? I do not. It is best to mainain very clear boundaries around intuitive work for the sake of all involved.
Do you do sliding scale?
I do not, much for the same reason I do not barter. Additionally, readings require a significant expenditure of energy that must be adequately replenished.
How can I make an appointment?
Mesage me at firstname.lastname@example.org. (I don’t set up appointments by phone or through social media.)
Why are you doing this work? It is my fervent belief that everything–even our hardest experiences and most challenging traits–can teach us how to live a more useful and joyous life. I embrace our sessions in that light.