“Mother and Child,” by Milton Avery
So says Andrew Vachss: “If you are a victim of emotional abuse, there can be no self–help until you learn to self–reference. That means developing your own standards, deciding for yourself what “goodness” really is. Adopting the abuser’s calculated labels—”You’re crazy. You’re ungrateful. It didn’t happen the way you say”—only continues the cycle. Adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life-choices: learn to self–reference or remain a victim. When your self–concept has been shredded, when you have been deeply injured and made to feel the injury was all your fault, when you look for approval and love from those who can not or will not provide it—you play the role assigned to you by your abusers. It’s time to stop playing that role, time to write your own script. Victims of emotional abuse carry the cure in their own hearts and souls. Knowing you deserve to be loved and respected and empowering yourself with a commitment to try is much more than half the battle. And it is never too soon—or too late—to start.”
