Archive | Etiquette Matters

The Long Way Home

Maybe because my love life is in the crapper once again, all day I’ve been thinking about a moment I shared with a woman I dated briefly. I’d gone upstate to see her, and she was running the visit because being in charge was clearly the only way she felt comfortable.

It’s an aspect of queer life I don’t dig—the gender roles that can become more bald than in heterocontexts, though younger generations are loosening up those binaries. With my lipstick, big blond coiffure, and tight skirts, I present as femme, but only in that world. On the rare occasions I date cis-men, they often see me as more masculine than them. In terms of temperance, they are absolutely right.

Really, I’m only me in every context: someone who prizes freedom over security, who can change a tire and style anybody, who drives a stickshift, who is more than a little vain, who cries at the drop of a hat, who shies away from processing but says what needs to be said.

Anyway, this woman I was dating was butch but barely and that was fine with me. I liked her lush breasts beneath her suits and country-boy gear; her curly, silver-streaked bob. Maybe not so much the silver chain she wore at her neck but only because it was ugly, not because it was a feminine flourish. I have a very expansive and flexible definition of beauty, but find a lack of integrity in construction or presentation to be jarring. Continue Reading →

Just Deserts Are Best Eaten With Fangs

This is a story of just deserts and middle age and I am not necessarily endorsing the role I play.

Just now I ran into a guy who was a real thorn in my side pre-Pandemic. He lives next door in what I call Melrose Place, an apartment building mostly populated by young, Italian-born guys who work at the cafe on the first floor. The man in question is actually three weeks older than me, though before the Plague it wasn’t evident from his demeanor.

He had recently left his wife, also our age, because–and this is a direct quote–“she did not make him feel like a man.” This man’s wife made most of the money in their relationship from her excellent art direction and so, upon leaving her, he had been serving espressos next door along with all the other cute boys because, yes, I regret to inform you that this man was quite cute. Handsome, actually, in that mournful, big-nosed, big-pawed way of some Italian men. In fact, I confess that when this man first began to serve coffee next door I found him undeniably attractive. Given my parentage, it is not surprising that I confuse intense self-pity for intense soulfulness in a certain sort of good-looking person. Continue Reading →

Behind the Veil: On Fate and Free Will

Since I resumed my Ruby Intuition practice last week, I have been reminded of “the Future as Santa Claus” phenomenon. This is what I call a tendency to regard the future as both inevitable and preferable—an un-moveable entity that rescues us from our less than optimal realities. It’s an understandable tendency, especially during a time as inhospitable as the last 12 months. Everyone wants to know when and if something is definitely going to happen: Am I going to leave my apartment or job? Am I going to get married? Am I going to proper? Will I and my loved ones be healthy? These are wonderfully human questions. But the real answer, always, is: Maybe. As in: Nothing is 100 percent fated. As in: There’s no underestimating the shaggy, unpredictable, beautiful power of human free will.

You may ask: So why bother getting a reading? And that too is a wonderful question. My answer is that I can offer a Whether Report—the spiritual equivalent of whether you need an umbrella or extra sunblock on a given day. I can perceive what past, present, and future factors are entering and departing your life—-and offer tools to facilitate your best response. What I cannot tell for sure is how fully you will choose to meet these moments. That pesky “human free will” part is actually the most exquisite part of being alive.

I like to think of our experiences on this earth as spiritual GPS. Each of us is on a karmic highway (the Aretha Franklin song never written) and always has a choice about how to navigate it. Yes, there are certain lessons and blessings our souls sign on to encounter. But how we respond to them builds out our actual paths. If we resist these experiences–this flow, if you will–the Universe is just going to guide us into another version of them until we grow accordingly. Annoying, sure. But also: loving. It’s like a parent who plays ball with us every day until we finally learn to catch.

This is why we keep having versions of the same trauma until we heal the initial trauma (often in childhood). It’s also why we have the initial trauma, although I would never suggest that such pain is your fault or your doing. Instead, I’ve come to believe that everything that happens to us is an opportunity to feel the support and love of the Universe even when it is not giving us everything we want or like. Especially then, actually.

Yes, I have been gifted with a longer glimpse of the human timeline than most people. Most times I perceive key figures and facts of your past, present and immediate future even when I don’t wish to. I also have a strong sense of your physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges and strengths before I meet you. And, yes, if pushed, I can usually predict how things are going to go–but that’s because I am good at assessing how ready you and your loved ones are to self-reckon and self-actualize. Rest assured there’s no judgment either way. And that’s not what you really need.

The true joy and satisfaction of your life is contingent upon your meeting the Universe halfway–and the only person who can write that piece of the story is You. How I can serve is by holding a mirror to your best self so you may connect to that person through every curve life throws you.

I am honored to hold your hand when your youngest self is running the show and needs to be soothed by the long-term perspective that your daily self cannot provide. I am honored to tell you everything I see in the past, present, and future that I believe will serve your growth and happiness. But the greatest way I can serve you as an intuitive is by highlighting your highest, most heavenly form and the tools that help you embody that person in your daily life. That’s not just being supported by a divine energy. That’s living as part of a divine energy—and what is more beautiful that that?

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"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy