I carry so much loneliness that sometimes I forget this is not how everyone moves through this thing called life.
I carry so much loneliness that sometimes I forget it’s there at all.
Then something comes along to amplify that loneliness–to sharpen it so acutely that it stops my breath and squeezes my heart–and I simply can’t bear it by myself.
That’s how this last month has felt. First because I was in so much immobilizing pain that it prevented me from doing many things myself.
And so I reached out to people I assumed were cross with me only to discover I’d read their momentary frustration as something far more damming. I reached out to people with whom I’d been out of touch for years only to discover a great sympatico between us still. I reached out to people I hadn’t known well until my need, primal and pure, deepened our connection. And I reached out to people whose hearts I steadily hold but had kept afar while I malingered on this bridge called my book.
Thus warmth flowed and it helped.
And then I opened a channel with a woman I’d admired online for months—a woman beautiful and butch and kind-hearted and quick-witted. And, lucky me, warmth flowed from her too and we found ourselves moving from friendship to something far more molten and engulfing.
And that helped a lot. Continue Reading →