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Run-On Sentence, Run-On Swoon

September 13, 2016 in Astro Matters, Cat Lady Matters, Ruby Intuition, Spirit Matters

split ends--shara hughes…I took a nap after a screening of a film I didn’t mind, a walk as mild in temperament as in temperature, a so-so lunch with a sort-of friend, and some busy work deserving no parallel phrase. I mention all this by way of saying that my brain battery was running on empty and, with assignments looming and cleverness left to crunch, the only solution was sleep. (Caffeine in these matters is greatly overrated.) Besides, moon was void of course and mercury was retrograding and on top of everything there was that big old lunar eclipse in Pisces on the horizon. A lot of stars under which to snooze.

I hadn’t intended to dive so deeply as to have a dream–had thought more along the lines of quick and pretty shut-eye–but also didn’t mind when I found myself stepping clear into another world. It halved the day in a way I needed.

–I dreamed that [name redacted] and I had an opportunity to sleep together after all–to roll into each other lazily sloppily easily on a divan I hadn’t known was there–and as I’d expected it was good, not just decadent. Continue Reading →

Suria 8/27/71-9/11/01

September 11, 2016 in Age Matters, Country Matters, Snapshot, Spirit Matters

suriaI’ll never forget the morning, only weeks before her death, when she taped a hair to the bathroom mirror with a note. It was her 30th birthday–30 seemed so old to us both–and in her big gorgeous calligraphy she had written: “MY FIRST GRAY HAIR.” There’s more to this story–in some ways it’s the story of my 20s–but 15 years later it still doesn’t feel like I’ve earned the right to tell it. All I can say is every time I curse all the gray mixed into my blonde, I flash on that note–her characteristic bemusement, her breezy assumption there’d be many more to come–and I cry. Suria.

Love and Animals

August 24, 2016 in Cat Lady Matters, Country Matters, Essays, Quoth the Raving, Sabboytical, Snapshot, Spirit Matters

ruby redI’m trying to climb back on the grid, I really am. I’ve had my computer back for a few days and have completed all my paid assignments. But a lot has happened this month and it all boils down to my realizing how much more I want, and how much Rilke applies if I’m to achieve it.

You must change your life, said Rilke.

In the first and second and third place, I’ve grown powerfully tired of social media. I know this isn’t fair but after a time away it just seems like the worst of 20th century snail mail: chain letters, clippings from college roommates who assume they’re ranting to the choir, notes from bored aunts about everything they ate and aren’t-they-just-the-cutest kittens and babies.

I want more. I want please and thank-yous. I want diagrammable sentences rather than rebuses; polite declines rather than rebuffs. I want declarations and advance invitations and follow-up questions and direct answers. I’d wanted the Summer of Jane but at this point would settle for Dick and Jane. Or just See Spot Run. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy