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Astro PSA: Full Moon in Buzzy, Busy Gemini

December 11, 2019 in Age Matters, Astro Matters, Book Matters, City Matters, Ruby Intuition, Spirit Matters, TV Matters

I write from a neighborhood bar that has a great and relatively quiet happy hour. Drinking sazerac, mawing nuts, rereading the day’s pages, and listening to a man my age mack on a girl who at the very oldest is 25. I’d judge the shit out of him except when I walked in, he raised his eyebrows suggestively and I shook my head. Also the last person I snogged was half my age, which made them roughly 25 (ok, younger). If this paragraph didn’t land where you expected, welcome to my 2019.

Then again, time is a construct.

Earlier today NYC was a storybook—-kids bobbing on parents’ shoulders, everyone bundled like toddlers in mittens and hats, and snow, glorious snow. But by midday it was back to bleak, urine-drenched, and sooty. Enter free-wheeling Sagittarius season and tonight’s full moon in Gemini. Both aspects remind us to be here now since linear time is big old myth and nothing else is real either save the story you tell yourself. And love, the greatest gravity of all.

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling that inside and out. Even on television, at least Watchmen, the most momentous show anywhere right now (see what I did there?), the notion of linear time is being savagely imploded.

Fourth dimension is, like, so twenty-teens.

Taking place in the earliest hours of tomorrow–that’s 12/12 at exactly 12:12 am!–tonight’s “long cold night full moon” also exits us out of a cycle of karma since the number 12 is all about reincarnation. Ask yourself: What hard lessons have I begun learning this year that I can finally put to use? Venus, Saturn, and Pluto are conjuncting, which suggests the lessons may be taking place in our relationships and finances. Certainly that was true for me, though ain’t that always the case? Bottom line: we are moving past the limited thinking that we were taught kept us safe but really has held us back. Don’t be scared. Be glad–and dress warmly.

The Blue, Blue Bridge of Twelve Novembers

November 18, 2019 in Age Matters, Book Matters, City Matters, Essays, Etiquette Matters, Queer Matters, Spirit Matters

blue tears, white hat

I carry so much loneliness that sometimes I forget this is not how everyone moves through this thing called life.

I carry so much loneliness that sometimes I forget it’s there at all.

Then something comes along to amplify that loneliness–to sharpen it so acutely that it stops my breath and squeezes my heart–and I simply can’t bear it by myself.

That’s how this last month has felt. First because I was in so much immobilizing pain that it prevented me from doing many things myself.

And so I reached out to people I assumed were cross with me only to discover I’d read their momentary frustration as something far more damming. I reached out to people with whom I’d been out of touch for years only to discover a great sympatico between us still. I reached out to people I hadn’t known well until my need, primal and pure, deepened our connection. And I reached out to people whose hearts I steadily hold but had kept afar while I malingered on this bridge called my book.

Thus warmth flowed and it helped.

And then I opened a channel with a woman I’d admired online for months—a woman beautiful and butch and kind-hearted and quick-witted. And, lucky me, warmth flowed from her too and we found ourselves moving from friendship to something far more molten and engulfing.

And that helped a lot. Continue Reading →

Astro PSA: Mercury Retrograde Week 3

November 15, 2019 in Astro Matters, Country Matters, Past Matters, Spirit Matters

If you’ve been physically and mentally tired this week, you’re not alone. Trust that it’s not just because of daylights savings time. It’s because of the profound, subcutaneous change demanded by this Scorpio Season, when linear time has been collapsed into soul time, and regeneration has been the name of the game. All month we’ve been grounded here while Mercury, which enables forward motion, has been retrograde. We’ve experienced breakdowns, yes, but also breakthroughs, and our shifts have been seismic, even miraculous, as we’ve released old wounds, patterns, masks. But this has been a lot, especially after Tuesday’s full moon in stabilizing Taurus cleared out more flutter and clutter. So the rest of this November–holiday season be damned–defer to the sacred silence where each of us started. Don’t fight it. Don’t do anything. As much as possible, just….be. Only in this lush and pregnant hush can our cells reset themselves to their true form.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy