I’ve learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won’t stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown.—Madeleine L’Engle
Hello March! Sometimes, especially in the dreary last days of winter, my clients want to hear about a future that is magically better than their present. It’s human nature to crave a “Santa Clause.” But the truth is that our lives are a mixture of fate and free will—-the culmination of our choices in the face of factors beyond our control.
And entropy is change, too. To avoid it we must work our problems as we sow seeds and till fields. Sun rises, sun sets, but only when we consciously channel its light do we grow something from our shit. This is practical magic at its core–change we manifest rather than passively await and observe. This is love as a verb. This is the self-reckoning that is the foundation of radical self-care.
How I can help is to divine a path on which you thrive—-marching bravely forward (bird by bird step by step) into a future conjured with the good wind of the universe on your back.
To find a path of your own, get in touch. Art (left-right); Jacob Lawrence, Horace Pippen.
I am sitting in the dining area at Fairway—a sort of greenhouse overlooking the Red Hook harbor—and I am trying not to cry. Correction: I am crying, but quietly, the way grown New Yorkers process very private emotions in the very public spaces where we spend most of our days.
I am feeling like yesterday’s lunch, which is ironic because I just polished off an enormous breakfast.
All around me waves are rising like Joni’s cold blue steel. It makes me feel held, these busy waters mirroring Joni. It also makes me feel lonely because only the world at large, strangers to whom I feel close, hold me right now.
This is Pisces season at its hardest.
Which is true, but also a cop-out, because this is just a hard time all around. This is Democrats-feasting-on-each-other-while-evil-oligarch-runs-us-into-the-ground time. This is virus time, frighteningly warm-winter time.
February’s last gasp is brutal. So is that of patriarchy.
And, yeah, I’m talking about the white supremacist capitalistic cockocratic dinosaurs poisoning our government, environment, media, fun. This is the longest dying gasp in history, and it’s killing us all.
All around my sorrow swims fury in these gloriously choppy waters. A fury on behalf of menopausal, perimenopausal, reproductive-age–damn it, all people who identify in any way as women. Also a fury toward the women who’ve swallowed so much shit they now feed it to others.
The fury I feel every time Warren’s “electability” is debated by the same couchside demographers who look the other way as her white male contenders scowl, browbeat, lie, fumigate, generally behave unlikeably. Just the body language of the debates makes me apoplectic. (It also rings more than a few bells in my professional life.)
The fury I felt last month when the architect next door fixed my armoire for a pound of flesh– swigging my wine for two hours while complaining about the wife he’d just left, bragging about the blue pills he takes to fuck women half our age. (It goes without saying his very decent ex is our age.)
Waggling his eyebrows as he said, “You must have been hot when you were young.” Continue Reading →
I just wanted acknowledge to all the other women my age–and all those who care about our welfare–that perimenopause SUCKS. The mood swings, hot and cold flashes, sleep disturbances, constant peeing, bad skin, weird-ass cycle shifts. It’s basically a nonstop PMS. Worse, it’s basically a second puberty–one that results in sagging rather than pert breasts and, oy vey, dry pussies and grey pubes. Ok, rant over. But feel free to chime in.
Of course, this hormonal maelstrom is hitting extra hard because of this Mercury Retrograde in Pisces, which has been ravaging my heart and savaging my style–dowager chic having slid into shtetl chic (see pic!).
Here in New York everyone seems to be hurting everyone else and no one has been clearly communicating what they mean; this Retrograde has caused a Metrograde. After two inadvertently ugly interactions today, I climbed back into my witch’s lair and am now cooking everything I want to eat for the next four days: namely, fish soup with a splash of pernod,and a meatball ragu. Tears only improve the contents of a cauldron, right?
So if things are hitting you hard, it may be a good time to bunker up with home projects. Just remember: The only consistent thing in this world is change! By March 4, life will lighten up immeasurably.