Archive | Etiquette Matters

There’s No Pleasing Daddy

This was a fairly bogus day–a lot of mansplaining/scolding in my personal life. But I was very happy to learn that Jamie Spears is finally stepping down as conservator of his daughter, though his announced “choice” reads as very Cuomo–AKA an attempt to control the when-and-how now that the writing is already on the wall.

It may seem silly to focus on anything tabloid-related, but the story of Britney Spears’ conservatorship is a devastating model of how patriarchy infects every aspect of US life, from government to nuclear family. Essentially it underscores that, as a woman, you can be a multimillion-dollar enterprise, and still wield no control over your life.

For anyone with shitty parents, Britney Spears’ story is a worst-case scenario–one in which your abusers benefit from your ability to transcend their abuse while they abuse you some more. No parent should be granted complete control of their adult child’s life, especially if they financially benefit from that control. Family dysfunction is usually a contributor in emotional decompensation, so reenacting childhood trauma by reestablishing parental control is counter-intuitive–“criminal,” to quote Britney herself. Continue Reading →

50 Is the Body Electric (Space Crone Jams)

Ready for the thing no one ever says? I like my body better at 50 than I did at 20. It’s not perfect now but it wasn’t perfect then. In general bodies aren’t perfect. Bodies are encasements, temples, tactics. Precious and purposeful. Us. At 20 I was sick, scared, anxious, angry–anorectic, with the colon and joints of a much older woman due to two decades of sustained and displaced trauma. Aka hysterical in the classic Freudian sense. (Fuck Freud, obviously.) I panicked over every extra calorie and drew what little self-esteem I had from being thinner than others–no one acknowledges what mean girls we anorexics can be. At 50 I am all curves and angles–fully inhabiting the Scottish-Sioux-Ashkenazi peasant body that is my birthright. Big hands, breasts, hips, belly, brain. Fierce look, limbs, will. Strong as a mother, o yes, and perfectly willing to flirt with whomever stares because at this point no one can topple me with their desire. I’m like a red oak that way (every way). Are my eyes going? For sure. Is my back worse? Doubly sure. But every day I feed this body beautiful useful things. I stretch it, walk it, water it, sun it, shower it. Lipstick it. Listen to it. Love it. In return it still holds me up and sometimes even lets me shine. At 50 I am old enough to be grateful for every day and every way I feel physically good–for every organ, muscle, inch that works well. For every ailment that heals. Even better, I have learned how to be grateful for change–even decay–because it means I’ve lived long enough for it to happen. At 50 you don’t look like anyone’s projection anymore, no one’s generic dream of a girl or a perfect lady. But you’re not really invisible. Instead, you look like the life you’ve led. What’s more beautiful than that?

Ruby Intuition Questions: Asked and Answered

Over the years, people have asked all kinds of questions about my Ruby Intuition practice. Below I’ve tackled the most common ones. (This is an updated version.) Feel free to ask more!

Is getting a reading scary?
I’m a big believer in coffee with cream. By this I mean that I ensure the delivery of information is loving, diplomatic, and occasionally amusing. Do I see illness, death, betrayal? Sometimes, because that’s part of the human condition. But you can rest assured that while I never lie, I only share what you need to know at the time of our session and I always do so gently. I’ve never liked massages that are so tough-love that they tense rather than relax muscles, and I’ve never endorsed truth bombs that make us dread our future. We’re supposed to enjoy this business of being alive!

Will I find out when I or someone I love is going to die?
Nope, for reasons described above.

Do I have to believe in God or some higher power for this to work?
I firmly believe we’re all part of a “whole greater than the sum of its parts”–whether you call this energy God, the Universe, Yahweh, Allah, the Divine Feminine, or something or someone else. I also believe this energy is the source of my intuition. But you don’t have to believe that. You just have to show up with an open mind. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy