Archive | Past Matters

A Few Notes from the Psychic Underground

Generally speaking, I don’t tell anyone I meet in person that I am an intuitive. I may talk about it more than I used to—I have an intuitive practice, after all—but I find that owning up to this skill means I have to contend with everyone’s feelings and theories about psychic phenomena, not to mention allow them to feel superior to me. Often people begin to testify about their own experiences that defy regular logic, as if they are throwing me a bone or sharing a dirty secret. Sometimes they actually ask, “If you’re so psychic, what am I thinking right now?” I try to be patient, I really do. But though these people may not mean any harm, what they are discussing in essence is whether I am full of shit and whether the very concept of psychic phenomena is also full of shit. Believe me or don’t, I want to say. It gives me more of an edge if you don’t. Continue Reading →

Hexed and Hacked

Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 10.02.54 PMIt started with a pair of heels clicking down the hallway of a dream.

I have a great grandmother I’ve never discussed here. She is a family legend and, like most family legends, a family shadow. She and I were never alive at the same time but she looks out for me like no one in my line but my mother’s mother Alice May, who died when I was 18.

This great-grandmother’s name was Rubenfire, which I learned long after I named my now-deceased kitty Ruby. Growing up I was only told that she was a very cruel woman who’d made a small fortune selling rags. Later I learned she was brave, charismatic, and resourceful, and that when she’d arrived here from Poland as a non-English-speaking teen, she’d done the only thing she could to support her children upon discovering her husband had started a new family in Brooklyn: She turned tricks, and eventually became a successful brothel owner in the Salem area of Massachusetts. Continue Reading →

The Doctor Is In

Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 5.46.52 PMSo much heavy stuff has happened in the last few months but what broke this camel’s back–though in no way was it the gravest event–was the fact that this website got hacked. When you work for yourself, you have to be your own editor, publicist, accountant, and IT specialist. Generally, I don’t mind wearing so many hats but this week everything took a nosedive. Even figuring out the kind of help I needed proved difficult; articulating it proved more challenging; finding it was an absolute bear. Today, I finally hired someone and awaiting their results had my stomach in knots, my head fogged up. I hadn’t realized how much this blog had come to mean to me until it got all mucked up. The tech fairy kindly sorted everything out and updated my software but now I have to master the new system, which feels like learning how to tread water when I’ve been swimming across lakes for years.

It’s the same feeling I had last spring when it took a day to set up and learn an iPhone after I’d clung to the same Crackberry for a decade. I kept mumbling to myself, This will make things faster, right? Ultimately, it did, but first I had to dump a lot of time and energy into what still looks like a black hole in hindsight. Like so much about true adulthood, the hardest work is rarely remittable or detectable though it confers a secret satisfaction. UnknownI think about the Pilgrims, as I so often do when the modern world bogs me down. They didn’t have antibiotics but they also didn’t have computer viruses. What a strange world we now occupy: so isolated and so boundary-less, all at once. It’s enough to make this goody cry.

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy