Archive | Feminist Matters

Child-Free and Sans Regrets: TV’s Non-Moms

Mother’s Day is one of the more loaded holidays on the calendar. It’s lovely to celebrate your mom if she’s still alive and if you have a good relationship with her, and it’s lovely to be celebrated if you are a mom. But that’s a lot of conditionals, especially for the millions of adult women who are child-free. Whether you’re not a mother by choice or through circumstances beyond your control, the media isn’t exactly your pal this time of year. In fact, though I initially envisioned this piece as a list of films about adult women who are happily child-free, I quickly realized I might as well go unicorn hunting. Unattached women of any sort don’t fit into Hollywood’s idea of a happy ending.

Television does better by the ladies in this department, as in so many others. Sure, self-possessed, child-free women are still few and far between. As much as “Parks and Recreation” was generally a feminist paradise, April Ludgate’s change of heart regarding motherhood seemed an unnecessary betrayal of her character, and Leslie Knope’s triplets seemed tacked-on as a plot point. The distinctly un-nurturing Murphy Brown opted for single mamahood eventually (though that was revolutionary in its own right), and even Miranda Hobbes of “Sex and the City” couldn’t go through with her abortion. Christina Yang of “Grey’s Anatomy” did, and her fiery red-haired husband never let her forget it. Continue Reading →

The Church of Rose Petals and Mother May I

Cherry blossoms in the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and Kehinde Wiley’s fancy ladies at the Brooklyn Museum of Art on Friday; lilacs and Lady Liberty yesterday morning; and, for good measure, a Beltaine ritual last night, with Aphrodite and rose petals and glitter and Stevie Nicks and persimmons and crimson-clad NYC fairywimmin and the High Priestess Magdalene (always Magdalene). I’ve cleaned my home with lavender and tea tree oil and saged every corner; I’ve bathed under the sexy Scorpio full moon in a tub filled with rose oil and the goddess circle-blessed petals. Mama May, Madre Miracle, Mothers Mary, I’ve honored your divine feminine with every cell of my brightened being. Now I gratefully bask in your scarlet kundalini–just what the magic back doctor ordered.

A Film of One’s Own: Spinsters in Cinema

In Kate Bolick’s wonderful new book Spinster, she meditates on the possibilities of an adult female life undefined by others. “The spinster wish was my private shorthand for the novel pleasures of being alone,” she writes. “Whether to be married or to be single is a false binary. The space in which I’ve always wanted to live… isn’t between those two poles but beyond it.” Her point–a vital one–is that here in the twenty-first century women should no longer be viewed through the lens of their attachment to others. (Remember that men remain “misters” their entire adult lives, regardless of their age or marital status.)

We need only to look at cinema to realize how far we are from a world in which, as Bolick puts it, a woman is “free to consider the long scope of her life as her distinct self.” Put simply, women in films are never contentedly unattached. They may be single– but tragically or darkly comically so, as if they’re suffering from a condition that requires treatment. And make no mistake: that treatment is almost always a relationship. Hollywood is built upon the twin tenets of big guns and big love, and it’s generally uncomfortable with ambiguity, especially when it comes to single ladies. Happy endings–the glamorous finality of “Jack shall have his Jill”–are what the movie doctor ordered. Unattached women are either Bridget Jones types—not-so-hot messes who must be rescued by modern Mr. Darcys—or dangerously untamed women who must die, as Glenn Close does in “Fatal Attraction” and Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon do in “Thelma and Louise.” Far, far less common are films that conclude with women who are joyously, consciously unattached–not as a last-ditch solution to a toxic romance (“Heathers”) or a love triangle (“St Elmo’s Fire,” “Broadcast News”) but as an active choice to live independently. Continue Reading →

"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love."
― Leo Tolstoy